Ladies, Stop Faking It!
There’s nothing new under the sun, goes the old adage. All things, good and bad before they reach us, have already been someone else’s experience at some point in time. There is no feeling, hurt, or emotion that we alone have felt, that would be considered new. Yet, we live in this world that is so self-focused that we believe no one would understand our pain, challenges, decision-making, or daily struggles because of course NO ONE ELSE in the history of earth and time, since the heavens were created, has EVER, EVER, EVER shared in our burden.
Ha! Now, that’s a joke if I’ve ever heard one. I hate to break it to you friend, but you’re not that special! There is no situation you’ve endured or no feeling you have experienced that another woman hasn’t already either failed at or conquered at some point. We don’t have to be the same social status, race, profession, or class to share in those completely normal mundane experiences.
Yet, so many times we walk around faking it. Acting as if life couldn’t be better. Covering up our dissatisfaction with expensive purses, nice jewelry, and fancy vacations. Of course that isn’t an all-inclusive list, for many, value doesn’t come from tangible things, so instead they use job titles, pay raises, or the amount of likes they can get from a picture, to mask the disappointments and frustrations that keep them awake at night.
Whatever your cover-up is, let me remind you of one thing…masks are for masquerade parties and perfection is an illusion. Attempting to cover up our issues does only one thing, and that is to prolong our opportunity to live a free and gratifying life. Do you want to to walk around your whole life subject to finding fulfillment in things and sporadic moments of relief?
The good news is that there is more available for us. It begins by letting go of this idea that we will be less than perfect if we share the adversity we may be living. Whether financial stresses, a health crisis, relationship issues, failed endeavors, or any other painful circumstance that we are carrying, we don’t have to bear the weight of it alone.
If there is one thing that is never wasted, its pain, and there are plenty of women who have been there before us and endured their share of hardship not only for themselves but for us too. It’s their story of failure or victory that we learn from that will help carry us over in our circumstance. So, if you really want to get better, expose it all, and Ladies, please, STOP FAKING IT!
And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. Romans 8:28
Not in my Garden; Sucker!
Not everything that grows in a garden belongs there. That’s what I learned as I spent the day cleaning out my front flower bed which was in desperate need of some TLC. I’m not one to love gardening, but the fact that this is the first thing you see when you arrive at my house, and it looked as messy as it did, prompted me to get in there and clean it all up. It was a whole days endeavor and quite honestly, my landscaping partner, Sky, did most of the work. (That’s my daughter for those of you who don’t know) -Or maybe I should say the toughest part of the work- It began with what we thought was going to be a minor facelift. Pulling some weeds, planting some new flowers, watering them and “ta-da” brand new garden right? Yeah, it didn’t quite work out that way. The deeper we got in the project, the more we realized that this was going to require a lot of physical exertion coupled with patience and persistence.
Besides the constant squatting they put me through, the weeds weren’t difficult to get rid of, just time consuming. But the shrubs!!! Those were another story. There were sucker shrubs everywhere!!! The roots of these were widely spread out and they were colonizing the space in a vicious way. With a machete in one hand and a spade in the other, my makeshift landscaper uprooted every single sucker shrub with a force unlike any I’ve ever seen a 17 year old girl have! Now, when I tell you that these roots were resistant, its an understatement. They were tough! She wrestled with the roots pushing them backwards and forwards, she dug to expose the root, she chopped them with the machete, and she pulled vigorously until she freed the root ball from the soil. Some were uprooted faster than others and some were quite the challenge!
Nonetheless, it had to be done, otherwise anything we would have planted would have been overwhelmed by the already established deep roots of these shrubs.
I can’t help but to see the similarity of these deep roots in my garden with the roots of deceit that sometimes compromise the positive things trying to grow in our life. For years, I lived with fear that was so deep rooted that I couldn’t pull it from the source. This fear sucked the life out of every good thing that tried to flourish within me. No sooner had a good seed been planted when the lies that stem from fear swallowed it all up.
Suckers are everywhere and if we give them room to grow in our life, it can become an endless cycle where every hope, aspiration, dream, experience, or opportunity is suffocated by a root that’s deeply embedded in us and widespread. If we aren’t vigilant, before we know it, we can have a garden full of suckers!
I’m not sure about you, but the uprooting of any falsehood, bad experience, or trauma is not something I can handle alone. Just like it required someone with more strength than me to uproot the sucker shrubs, it also requires someone with more strength than me to pull out all the dysfunction that has somehow creeped its way into my life. For this job, I rely on G-d alone; my Master landscaper.
Not in my garden; Sucker!!!!
NEVERTHELESS, She Persisted
For years, women everywhere have been fighting for their fundamental human rights to live free from violence, able to earn a fair and equal wage, and the right to be educated, among other things. Today, we live in a day and age that women are being heard more, respected and our voices are finally counting. I don’t remember this being so prevalent in my days growing up, as it is now. It’s been an evolving movement throughout the years. Nowadays, it is everywhere; women empowerment, feminism, liberation. Though I can’t say I’m in agreement with every aspect of this, I can certainly tell you that it is a breath of fresh air to see strong women everywhere being heard, treated fairly, and being recognized for their contributions.
Last year, Sky (my oldest), took Women’s Studies at school and I’m so glad she did. It was impressive to hear her come home and talk about women in history, change-makers, roles, and all the things that we as a gender have been able to accomplish throughout the years. She definitely taught me a thing or two. I see a strength in both my girls that I didn’t have at their age; a certainty that they can overcome, accomplish and conquer. Now for all my Christian folks, don’t get your panties all up in a bunch. I’m not talking picket signs, and tatas hanging out. I acknowledge that there is a divine order for all things, but I am more so referencing Strong Women. Women that have gone through somethings in life and yet have a spirit of defiance that leads them to push back on cultural expectations.
Let’s talk design for a second. Whoever said women are supposed to be frail, subordinate, and oppressed, LIED! That, perhaps was the expectation in years past, but today that couldn’t be further from the truth. On the contrary, women are supposed to be powerful, respected, and most of all FREE! Free to make mistakes and come back from them without having to forever carry a scarlet letter for their misdeeds (whatever those might be).
You see in the story of our lives there are countless exclamation points spotlighting the errors, downfalls, drawbacks, snags, and stumbling blocks of our journey. If you’re anything like me, those exist in abundance throughout. Shamefully, I admit that many times I’ve gotten stuck in those parts of my story. Yet, I have found that the most exciting and worthy of “concentrating on” parts of my tale are not the highlighted errors, but rather every place where there exists a: NEVERTHELESS. Those are the really juicy parts of my story. The places of comeback. The places where in spite of, notwithstanding, or however introduce another level of my being. The part of the story where everything that tried to take me down is put on notice that I’m back in the game better and stronger than ever! Because my story doesn’t end with my battles with hypochondria, fear, anxiety, loss, or divorce. Those were just moments in time that prompted me to draw strength from places in me that I didn’t know existed. Simply put, they were opportunities for me to find the Wonder in my Woman.
If you follow my story, I can assure you, the second part will be better than the first. The same is true for you. Will you be stuck in those memories,mistakes, and moments in time that want to reduce you to a sentence with an exclamation point?
Divorced! Single Mom! Hurt! Betrayed! Abused! Flawed!…Or will you begin to step into your NEVERTHELESS? If it doesn’t exist yet, let my words be a reminder that your latter will be greater then the past. All you need to do, is begin to pen it.
The glory of the present house will be greater than the glory of the former house, says the Lord Almighty Haggai 2:9
I’d love to hear about the Wonder in your Woman below or feel free to contact me to share your story of how NEVERTHELESS, you persisted…
The Tides are Turning…
Its low tide now but the Tides are Turning…are you really ready for things to go back to normal?
#yolo
You only live once, was the phrase made popular by Drake several years ago. This catchy little expression prompted individuals to live that risky life and take those chances they normally wouldn’t because at the end of the day, we only have one opportunity to do so. Being cautious wasn’t going to allow us to maximize the moment and feel the thrill of living on the edge, so the recommendation and of course the only thing left to do was venture out and take the chance.
Although #yolo is mostly associated with risk, throwing caution to the wind, and flying by the seat of our pants, I submit that it is also intimately tied to accountability. Because, before there was Drake, there was Jesus, and He was the ultimate example of #yolo. Let me explain.
Yesterday, was Palm Sunday, a day observed all around the world in the Christian faith. This day marks the beginning of what many know as “Holy Week”. It begins with a grand entrance by the main character, Jesus, into the city of Jerusalem, and ends in much the same way; grandly. Many events transpired in between those two crucial points in time. To name a few there was the cursing of the fig tree, the last supper, fervent prayer and sweating blood in the Garden of Gethsemane, and being arrested and tried. Each event made way for the next one, in a connect-the-dots type fashion. Yet, the most interesting part about it all, was that Jesus knew exactly what was next before it ever came to be.
A week that He knew was leading up to his death, and yet He never wavered from the plan. He walked every situation out with grace and though He experienced a lot of the same emotions we as humans experience, to include fear, He knew the show had to go on!
Back to #yolo. Jesus would only live once, (in the physical sense anyway) and yet his -you only live once- mindset was completely steered by accountability. He walked every one of those last days out with purpose, knowing there was a people who were one day going to rely on every move He made that week. It was crucial that he got it right!
That was Jesus’ last week. What about yours? If you knew this was the last week or even the last year you had to live, would you want to live by the #yolo of modern day times or would you live out an accountable #yolo and make every wrong that’s within your power to change, right? Relationships that can be mended if you take the first step in doing so, truths that can be shared with those deserving of knowing, attitudes that can be worked on, projects that can be started only by you. And then there’s the biggest gamble yet… believing in a savior that you can’t see but has offered you eternal existence after this earthly one. Now that’s a true risk! One to be found out at a later time…
For many, it will be their last week, not solely because of Covid-19, though definitely inclusive of it. But more so because we live in a world where tomorrow is not promised. Do what you can today, while there is still time to do it. After all, You Only Live Once! #yolo
I’d love to hear about that one thing you want to make right or do. Feel free to comment below or email me.
Are we living in the age of ZomBees?
Par a site
(noun) an organism that lives in or on an organism of another species (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the others expense
“Fear is a parasite that is consuming the people”
Synonym: bloodsucker, exploiter, disease-causing agent
Apocalyptical shows are everywhere! There is something to satisfy everyone’s nighttime program preference. Pandemics, zombies, dooms day preppers are just a few in the countless options of a good weekend binge watch session. It’s so much fun when it’s all make pretend and even as you turn off the TV you continue to scrutinize the pivotal ending of the show, imagining all the ways your plan would have absolutely saved the world from destruction…because of course you have no fear.
Rewind to San Francisco, 2012. The zombie fly comes on the scene and is suspect in the decline of honeybee populations due to colony collapse disorder. It is found that this fly parasite inserts its eggs into the bee’s abdomen and uses their bodies as a home for its developing larvae. < Can we all say yuck> Several days later after the eggs have been laid, the parasitized bee comes out of its hive and begins to wander aimlessly. Unable to control their own bodies, they move around with no sense of direction, behaving, zombie-like and then eventually die. After which, the larvae exit the bees’ body and continue the cycle of turning once perfectly healthy and productive bees into ZomBees. Now this might sound nothing more than distasteful to you -there’s no arguing that-, and though you may be wondering why we’re talking about bees as it indirectly affects you… it’s hard not to note the true reflection point of this bee story. It’s not the obvious dwindling of their numbers, at least not exclusively, but rather their foretelling of the days we are living.
Fast forward globally to 2020. The parasite is searching for host bodies and Idle minds are fertile ground where fear can reproduce at a rapid rate. At an even greater speed than the circumstance threatening our livelihood, Fear begins to consume the mind of the victim and terror sets in. Unable to control their own minds and bodies, the hosts wander around without any sense of direction far from what they know and far from those things that once brought them peace and stability. Aimless, scared, defeated, and hopeless they open themselves up to the “what if’s” of this world and unknowingly grant permission to be lead by this spirit of Fear. Every vision for the future is lost. All dreams are put on hold.They bend their kneesto the patterns of this world and once perfectly healthy and productive individuals are now like Zombees. One by one, this parasite leads them to death. Either physical death, or emotional death -some would argue that they are one in the same. And just like that, Fear has won.
I wonder if you’re like the bee today. Do the struggles of this world have you paralyzed with fear? Though it’s not make-pretend, you do have the option of changing the ending of the show. Go back to what you know. That doesn’t mean cultural norms but rather a dependency on G-d, knowing that even in the most abnormal of situations, He’s a constant, unchanging G-d who STILL has a plan.
Don’t be like the bee.