Ladies, Stop Faking It!
There’s nothing new under the sun, goes the old adage. All things, good and bad before they reach us, have already been someone else’s experience at some point in time. There is no feeling, hurt, or emotion that we alone have felt, that would be considered new. Yet, we live in this world that is so self-focused that we believe no one would understand our pain, challenges, decision-making, or daily struggles because of course NO ONE ELSE in the history of earth and time, since the heavens were created, has EVER, EVER, EVER shared in our burden.
Ha! Now, that’s a joke if I’ve ever heard one. I hate to break it to you friend, but you’re not that special! There is no situation you’ve endured or no feeling you have experienced that another woman hasn’t already either failed at or conquered at some point. We don’t have to be the same social status, race, profession, or class to share in those completely normal mundane experiences.
Yet, so many times we walk around faking it. Acting as if life couldn’t be better. Covering up our dissatisfaction with expensive purses, nice jewelry, and fancy vacations. Of course that isn’t an all-inclusive list, for many, value doesn’t come from tangible things, so instead they use job titles, pay raises, or the amount of likes they can get from a picture, to mask the disappointments and frustrations that keep them awake at night.
Whatever your cover-up is, let me remind you of one thing…masks are for masquerade parties and perfection is an illusion. Attempting to cover up our issues does only one thing, and that is to prolong our opportunity to live a free and gratifying life. Do you want to to walk around your whole life subject to finding fulfillment in things and sporadic moments of relief?
The good news is that there is more available for us. It begins by letting go of this idea that we will be less than perfect if we share the adversity we may be living. Whether financial stresses, a health crisis, relationship issues, failed endeavors, or any other painful circumstance that we are carrying, we don’t have to bear the weight of it alone.
If there is one thing that is never wasted, its pain, and there are plenty of women who have been there before us and endured their share of hardship not only for themselves but for us too. It’s their story of failure or victory that we learn from that will help carry us over in our circumstance. So, if you really want to get better, expose it all, and Ladies, please, STOP FAKING IT!
And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. Romans 8:28
Not in my Garden; Sucker!
Not everything that grows in a garden belongs there. That’s what I learned as I spent the day cleaning out my front flower bed which was in desperate need of some TLC. I’m not one to love gardening, but the fact that this is the first thing you see when you arrive at my house, and it looked as messy as it did, prompted me to get in there and clean it all up. It was a whole days endeavor and quite honestly, my landscaping partner, Sky, did most of the work. (That’s my daughter for those of you who don’t know) -Or maybe I should say the toughest part of the work- It began with what we thought was going to be a minor facelift. Pulling some weeds, planting some new flowers, watering them and “ta-da” brand new garden right? Yeah, it didn’t quite work out that way. The deeper we got in the project, the more we realized that this was going to require a lot of physical exertion coupled with patience and persistence.
Besides the constant squatting they put me through, the weeds weren’t difficult to get rid of, just time consuming. But the shrubs!!! Those were another story. There were sucker shrubs everywhere!!! The roots of these were widely spread out and they were colonizing the space in a vicious way. With a machete in one hand and a spade in the other, my makeshift landscaper uprooted every single sucker shrub with a force unlike any I’ve ever seen a 17 year old girl have! Now, when I tell you that these roots were resistant, its an understatement. They were tough! She wrestled with the roots pushing them backwards and forwards, she dug to expose the root, she chopped them with the machete, and she pulled vigorously until she freed the root ball from the soil. Some were uprooted faster than others and some were quite the challenge!
Nonetheless, it had to be done, otherwise anything we would have planted would have been overwhelmed by the already established deep roots of these shrubs.
I can’t help but to see the similarity of these deep roots in my garden with the roots of deceit that sometimes compromise the positive things trying to grow in our life. For years, I lived with fear that was so deep rooted that I couldn’t pull it from the source. This fear sucked the life out of every good thing that tried to flourish within me. No sooner had a good seed been planted when the lies that stem from fear swallowed it all up.
Suckers are everywhere and if we give them room to grow in our life, it can become an endless cycle where every hope, aspiration, dream, experience, or opportunity is suffocated by a root that’s deeply embedded in us and widespread. If we aren’t vigilant, before we know it, we can have a garden full of suckers!
I’m not sure about you, but the uprooting of any falsehood, bad experience, or trauma is not something I can handle alone. Just like it required someone with more strength than me to uproot the sucker shrubs, it also requires someone with more strength than me to pull out all the dysfunction that has somehow creeped its way into my life. For this job, I rely on G-d alone; my Master landscaper.
Not in my garden; Sucker!!!!
NEVERTHELESS, She Persisted
For years, women everywhere have been fighting for their fundamental human rights to live free from violence, able to earn a fair and equal wage, and the right to be educated, among other things. Today, we live in a day and age that women are being heard more, respected and our voices are finally counting. I don’t remember this being so prevalent in my days growing up, as it is now. It’s been an evolving movement throughout the years. Nowadays, it is everywhere; women empowerment, feminism, liberation. Though I can’t say I’m in agreement with every aspect of this, I can certainly tell you that it is a breath of fresh air to see strong women everywhere being heard, treated fairly, and being recognized for their contributions.
Last year, Sky (my oldest), took Women’s Studies at school and I’m so glad she did. It was impressive to hear her come home and talk about women in history, change-makers, roles, and all the things that we as a gender have been able to accomplish throughout the years. She definitely taught me a thing or two. I see a strength in both my girls that I didn’t have at their age; a certainty that they can overcome, accomplish and conquer. Now for all my Christian folks, don’t get your panties all up in a bunch. I’m not talking picket signs, and tatas hanging out. I acknowledge that there is a divine order for all things, but I am more so referencing Strong Women. Women that have gone through somethings in life and yet have a spirit of defiance that leads them to push back on cultural expectations.
Let’s talk design for a second. Whoever said women are supposed to be frail, subordinate, and oppressed, LIED! That, perhaps was the expectation in years past, but today that couldn’t be further from the truth. On the contrary, women are supposed to be powerful, respected, and most of all FREE! Free to make mistakes and come back from them without having to forever carry a scarlet letter for their misdeeds (whatever those might be).
You see in the story of our lives there are countless exclamation points spotlighting the errors, downfalls, drawbacks, snags, and stumbling blocks of our journey. If you’re anything like me, those exist in abundance throughout. Shamefully, I admit that many times I’ve gotten stuck in those parts of my story. Yet, I have found that the most exciting and worthy of “concentrating on” parts of my tale are not the highlighted errors, but rather every place where there exists a: NEVERTHELESS. Those are the really juicy parts of my story. The places of comeback. The places where in spite of, notwithstanding, or however introduce another level of my being. The part of the story where everything that tried to take me down is put on notice that I’m back in the game better and stronger than ever! Because my story doesn’t end with my battles with hypochondria, fear, anxiety, loss, or divorce. Those were just moments in time that prompted me to draw strength from places in me that I didn’t know existed. Simply put, they were opportunities for me to find the Wonder in my Woman.
If you follow my story, I can assure you, the second part will be better than the first. The same is true for you. Will you be stuck in those memories,mistakes, and moments in time that want to reduce you to a sentence with an exclamation point?
Divorced! Single Mom! Hurt! Betrayed! Abused! Flawed!…Or will you begin to step into your NEVERTHELESS? If it doesn’t exist yet, let my words be a reminder that your latter will be greater then the past. All you need to do, is begin to pen it.
The glory of the present house will be greater than the glory of the former house, says the Lord Almighty Haggai 2:9
I’d love to hear about the Wonder in your Woman below or feel free to contact me to share your story of how NEVERTHELESS, you persisted…
The Tides are Turning…
Its low tide now but the Tides are Turning…are you really ready for things to go back to normal?
#yolo
You only live once, was the phrase made popular by Drake several years ago. This catchy little expression prompted individuals to live that risky life and take those chances they normally wouldn’t because at the end of the day, we only have one opportunity to do so. Being cautious wasn’t going to allow us to maximize the moment and feel the thrill of living on the edge, so the recommendation and of course the only thing left to do was venture out and take the chance.
Although #yolo is mostly associated with risk, throwing caution to the wind, and flying by the seat of our pants, I submit that it is also intimately tied to accountability. Because, before there was Drake, there was Jesus, and He was the ultimate example of #yolo. Let me explain.
Yesterday, was Palm Sunday, a day observed all around the world in the Christian faith. This day marks the beginning of what many know as “Holy Week”. It begins with a grand entrance by the main character, Jesus, into the city of Jerusalem, and ends in much the same way; grandly. Many events transpired in between those two crucial points in time. To name a few there was the cursing of the fig tree, the last supper, fervent prayer and sweating blood in the Garden of Gethsemane, and being arrested and tried. Each event made way for the next one, in a connect-the-dots type fashion. Yet, the most interesting part about it all, was that Jesus knew exactly what was next before it ever came to be.
A week that He knew was leading up to his death, and yet He never wavered from the plan. He walked every situation out with grace and though He experienced a lot of the same emotions we as humans experience, to include fear, He knew the show had to go on!
Back to #yolo. Jesus would only live once, (in the physical sense anyway) and yet his -you only live once- mindset was completely steered by accountability. He walked every one of those last days out with purpose, knowing there was a people who were one day going to rely on every move He made that week. It was crucial that he got it right!
That was Jesus’ last week. What about yours? If you knew this was the last week or even the last year you had to live, would you want to live by the #yolo of modern day times or would you live out an accountable #yolo and make every wrong that’s within your power to change, right? Relationships that can be mended if you take the first step in doing so, truths that can be shared with those deserving of knowing, attitudes that can be worked on, projects that can be started only by you. And then there’s the biggest gamble yet… believing in a savior that you can’t see but has offered you eternal existence after this earthly one. Now that’s a true risk! One to be found out at a later time…
For many, it will be their last week, not solely because of Covid-19, though definitely inclusive of it. But more so because we live in a world where tomorrow is not promised. Do what you can today, while there is still time to do it. After all, You Only Live Once! #yolo
I’d love to hear about that one thing you want to make right or do. Feel free to comment below or email me.
Are we living in the age of ZomBees?
Par a site
(noun) an organism that lives in or on an organism of another species (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the others expense
“Fear is a parasite that is consuming the people”
Synonym: bloodsucker, exploiter, disease-causing agent
Apocalyptical shows are everywhere! There is something to satisfy everyone’s nighttime program preference. Pandemics, zombies, dooms day preppers are just a few in the countless options of a good weekend binge watch session. It’s so much fun when it’s all make pretend and even as you turn off the TV you continue to scrutinize the pivotal ending of the show, imagining all the ways your plan would have absolutely saved the world from destruction…because of course you have no fear.
Rewind to San Francisco, 2012. The zombie fly comes on the scene and is suspect in the decline of honeybee populations due to colony collapse disorder. It is found that this fly parasite inserts its eggs into the bee’s abdomen and uses their bodies as a home for its developing larvae. < Can we all say yuck> Several days later after the eggs have been laid, the parasitized bee comes out of its hive and begins to wander aimlessly. Unable to control their own bodies, they move around with no sense of direction, behaving, zombie-like and then eventually die. After which, the larvae exit the bees’ body and continue the cycle of turning once perfectly healthy and productive bees into ZomBees. Now this might sound nothing more than distasteful to you -there’s no arguing that-, and though you may be wondering why we’re talking about bees as it indirectly affects you… it’s hard not to note the true reflection point of this bee story. It’s not the obvious dwindling of their numbers, at least not exclusively, but rather their foretelling of the days we are living.
Fast forward globally to 2020. The parasite is searching for host bodies and Idle minds are fertile ground where fear can reproduce at a rapid rate. At an even greater speed than the circumstance threatening our livelihood, Fear begins to consume the mind of the victim and terror sets in. Unable to control their own minds and bodies, the hosts wander around without any sense of direction far from what they know and far from those things that once brought them peace and stability. Aimless, scared, defeated, and hopeless they open themselves up to the “what if’s” of this world and unknowingly grant permission to be lead by this spirit of Fear. Every vision for the future is lost. All dreams are put on hold.They bend their kneesto the patterns of this world and once perfectly healthy and productive individuals are now like Zombees. One by one, this parasite leads them to death. Either physical death, or emotional death -some would argue that they are one in the same. And just like that, Fear has won.
I wonder if you’re like the bee today. Do the struggles of this world have you paralyzed with fear? Though it’s not make-pretend, you do have the option of changing the ending of the show. Go back to what you know. That doesn’t mean cultural norms but rather a dependency on G-d, knowing that even in the most abnormal of situations, He’s a constant, unchanging G-d who STILL has a plan.
Don’t be like the bee.
Objects in Mirror are Closer than they Appear
Who hasn’t noticed those words? If you’ve ever sat in the passenger side of a vehicle, you’ve probably seen those little words which are actually a safety warning and are required to be engraved on the passenger side mirror of all motor vehicles in the U.S. Why? Well to make a very long explanation, that has everything to do with physics short, it relates to the way light bounces off of a flat surface versus a convex surface, and the way the side mirrors are positioned to compensate for angle and distance in relation to the driver’s eye. This compensation although offering a wider viewing angle sacrifices accuracy, making the image thats being reflected appear further than what it really is.
So what does that all mean? Basically, that when sitting on the drivers side everything you see behind you through the passenger side mirror is closer than what you think.
I can appreciate this warning, as it helps to decrease misperceptions of the space between me and what lies behind me. And on many occasions having been able to gauge the distance has kept me from major collisions!
Just yesterday morning, there was a terrible car wreck that left pieces scattered all across the 4 lane wide street. I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened, and if one of the cars had not seen the other coming and maybe miscalculated the distance. This happens more often than we know and not only on the street or highway but in our lives as well.
Though we don’t have a side rearview mirror per say, just like our cars, the objects of our past are closer than they appear. Whether it be a person, habit, memory, or situation it is necessary that we measure the distance we keep in order to avoid an accident. Many times as we look back we let our guard down, and our perception of how close the past is to us becomes distorted, and we suddenly become wrapped up again in past drama. Though we may have moved on from who or what we once were we must keep in mind that if the proper distance isn’t kept, we can easily merge into what once was without even noticing that its happening. The warning sign is there for a reason not to make us insecure and fear being haunted our whole lives but rather for motivational purpose; to keep us moving forward at all times so that we don’t allow the gap between us and our past to close in and quietly become us.
Praying you avoid any and all collisions with your past this week and that you have the strength to keep the distance from all those things you left behind at one point. If they didn’t serve you then, they will not serve you now!
Be Blessed!
Out of Bounds
Win! Win! Win! Thats the attitude all the time, anytime, every time! Okay…I admit I can get carried away at times. Like the time I cried in Monopoly during a “friendly” family game because I wasn’t winning. (please note that I use that “friendly” term very loosely as we all know there are no friends during competition) Not because Im a sore looser but because I take winning very serious. Even while others see a casual game of whatever it is we’re playing as “fun” I cant help but feel a deep NEED to win. Almost as if my reputation depended on it. I guess in part it does, as my performance has to backup all the trash talk I do before hand…..yes, yes, I know its hard to believe, but I can in fact dish out my fair share of smack talk, infuriating my opponent, making the win all the more crucial!
So just last week we had a “friendly” < ahem….clear hers throat > game of volleyball at work. This was our first ever staff-volleyball game and of course my team had to win. Amateurs at best, we were having a good time laughing, making fun of each other, and celebrating when we managed to keep the ball going back and forth for more than one round. One point for that team, one point for this team…but I have to admit I was getting a bit tense when I saw they were ahead. When all of a sudden the ball was thrown in my direction and though I leaped to hit it, I missed and then I heard the call from my team …”Out of bounds”! It was a bit hard for the others to get a clear view of the ball, as I happened to be in the way so I went with the call…Out of Bounds. Truth be told, I saw the play perfectly and the ball was inside the court. Okay, okay, don’t judge me! Remember, I told you I take winning very serious and this was no exception even if it meant making a false call.
But before you stop reading and dismiss me as a cheater, bear with me, Im going somewhere.
Out of Bounds: beyond any established boundaries or prescribed limits; prohibited; forbidden.
Though as it pertains to this game, the play was a good one, and only I knew where the ball actually landed, I cant help but compare this to the times in life where I have been living Out of Bounds and have tried to give others the impression that I have been inside the court so to speak. Does anybody hear me? You know, those times where we are clearly out of our limits, out of line, in violation, cruel, improper, inappropriate, unwarranted, uncalled for. Not exactly the things we like to admit to, but I know Im not the only one.
The times where I have served the ball of life and though clearly past the limits, I have wanted others to play my game. Yet, just like during the staff volleyball game, others may not have a clear view of where I’m at, but the one who matters most …me…will always know if my play is a valid one or not making the difference between the extent to which I can enjoy the win or not.
My team did not win the game that day. The opposing team won 3 out of 4 games. Obviously, the call on that play didn’t make a real difference in the large scope of things nor did I feel any sort of remorse for having made a false call to our advantage. In fact, if we would have won, I wouldn’t have given that play another thought and I would have savored the win as if it was a snow cone on a hot summer day…but all things in perspective, it was just a game people!!!
Would a win taste as sweet if it was off the court, in real life, and Out of Bounds on my part?…….my answer is No, what about you?
Scars of Gold
Kintsukuroi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by filling it with gold has been around for centuries. There are varying tales that attempt to trace back the origin of this process but all of the tales agree on one thing; it began with an emperor.
This art form still exists today but is not only reserved for the Japanese culture. Most of us know it by a different name; Restoration.
Is there hope after being broken? That is the question we ask ourselves and in most instances the answer we hear is “no”. Stories of defeat, despair, and resignation are constantly heard in our society and are accepted as normal. In fact one who rises out of failure is many times doubted, questioned, and scrutinized.
We try to hide our scars because they tell the stories of our lives and in many instances it is not an area we want to revisit. We begin to think if we hide them long enough that our very real past might somehow begin to fade away.
If this pagan emperor was able to see beauty in brokenness how could we be blind to it? What if there was a way to find beauty in the scars of life?
In God’s Hands, our scars are not meant to fade away but rather to be displayed in such a way that no matter how ugly and deep the scar is, what is illuminated is the restoration.
The Japanese belief states that a piece is more beautiful for having been broken. Thus, when a vase is broken, if it is filled with the originating material, the cracks would blend in and be virtually invisible. For this reason, in order for the brokenness to be appreciated it is highlighted. In the case of this art form, it is filled with gold.
God does the same thing. In restoration He brings us back to our original blueprint but does so in an enhanced manner. He doesn’t just piece us back together, heal our wounds and not allow any scaring so that we would fit back in with everyone else. On the contrary, in this restoration He magnifies those same scars so that we would stand out for the work He has done in us by filling us with His grace.
By grace we are carefully pieced back together and only through grace can the scars of our life appear beautiful! His grace overshadows all trauma, insignificance, disadvantage, and inadequacy brought upon by brokenness and replaces it with Value, Beauty, and Effectiveness.
In a way that only He can, He turns what was once a cause of disgrace into a testimony.
This is where imperfection meets perfection.
Consider the exchange that takes place; brokenness for wholeness.
His grace filling us, far supersedes anything we may have counted as a loss.
Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ – Philippians 3:8
True risk then comes from allowing others to see us as we really are. Fragmented individuals rescued by the Hand of God. No longer hiding our scars but placing them on display for the world to see and attesting to His mighty works.
Let’s take a look at what is deposited in us during this great exchange.
Value: One of the things that determine the value of an item is its history. Factors such as whom the item belonged to, and where it has been, all play a part. The demand for the item also helps to decide its worth.
The value that God places on us is the same. The bible tells us time and time again that we were purchased at a high price. The cost was Jesus! Thus, we belong to Him. No matter how misty our past has been, after restoration, we are no longer defined by brokenness or failures. Instead we are seen as overcomers. Where we have been no longer matters, but rather where we are going. Everyone yearns for true restoration, but apart from God, restoration is limited.
You were bought with a price purchased with preciousness and paid for by Christ; then do not yield yourselves to become in your own estimation slaves to men but consider yourselves slaves to Christ. 1 Corinthians 7:23
Beauty: Just like in the art of Kintsukuroi a vase is more beautiful for having been broken, so are we in the eyes of the Lord. Times of failure can leave us feeling dull and as if we have lost our luster, but it is actually the overcoming of these same trials that makes us shine brightest.
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes…Isaiah 61:3
Effectiveness: Testimonies are born out of trials, failures, disappointments, or struggles. Our restoration is only complete when we share with others what has been done for us. This is our assignment; to not allow the enemy to silence our praise. The essence of an effective testimony is that one which reveals Christ’s grace.
And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death Revelation 12:11
Only God can take something, accentuate its flaws, and make it more beautiful than it was at the beginning.
But even more beautiful than the restored piece, are the Hands of the one that restored it!
2 Corinthians 12:9 says it like this …“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness”…
Thank you Lord for Scars of Gold!