Entertainment television is saturated with cop and detective series. Many whose plots are based on undercover characters infiltrated in a particular group convincing all those around them of their supposed authenticity. The undercover agent learns the behavior and character so well, that while in the presence of the group he disassociates from his true self and becomes what others are expecting him to be. So long as his cover isn’t blown, he remains part of the group and all is well.
Whether in a detective series or not, being a part of the group and having everything be well is always what we seek. We become professionals at assuming the role we are expected to have and separating from who we truly are. It is all done in response to fear of allowing others to see our scars, blemishes, failures, faults, shortcomings, hurts, and insecurities.
We hurt from Monday through Saturday and then play undercover agents on Sundays. All because shame and guilt convinces us to hide and act like someone we are not; the other “perfect” people at church. Here me when I say I am not pointing out sin, but rather the misconception that we don’t sin. It is faulty thinking such as this that causes us to feel alone in our lapses.
This reminds me of a friend of The Jensing – my husband for those of you who don’t know- . This guy is a very fit 40 something year old man who works out on a fairly consistent basis. Yet, whenever he gains a couple of extra pounds, he tells my husband that he cannot go to the gym fat, as he fears what others might say. As silly as this sounds, us thinking we cannot go to church as what we truly are, sinners, is the same thing. Just like this guy tries to lose weight before he goes to the gym, we try to fix ourselves before we go to the place that can fix us. If you’re anything like me, I bet that statement brought a smirk to your face.
The voice of experience speaks the loudest and I can tell you that I have had my fair share of undercover days. Walking into church, putting my best face on, and hiding any hurt.
The one thing I have learned through the years is there is healing in exposure. Coming in just as we are, with the broken places of our life and all the stuff we are carrying on display for the Lord to deal with. For He can only deal with our mess when we hand it over to Him willingly and come in with a blown cover!
Are you on undercover agent mode in some area of your life? If so, I pray that your eyes would be open to the fact that you are not alone. Come as you are…